The Sexually Dominant Man
The Illusion of Generosity
In my Tantra sessions with men, I often hear something like,
“But I’m usually the giver — can’t I give to you?”
Then they try, in various ways, to coax me into submitting to them, sometimes overtly, sometimes subtly, even after being clearly told that this is a one-way practice designed for their surrender and their experience of fully receiving.
When it was just me running my practice, I became repeatedly overwhelmed by this dynamic. The constant barrage of men’s sexual energy, masked as generosity, exhausted and grieved me.
It hurt to witness how many men claimed to give from care — yet hadn’t taken the time to see me, know me or respect the boundaries set to protect the sacred container. This so-called generosity was not true giving; it was self-gratification disguised as service. And that truth has pained me deeply.
So this one is for you, men — especially those who struggle to relinquish control.
Dear Men,
I understand that allowing a woman your surrender — your vulnerability — can feel deeply uncomfortable. It might feel emasculating, even weak. You’ve been conditioned to believe that to be a man is to hold control, to protect, to compete, to succeed.
That instinct is important. It’s part of your strength. But learning to open, to soften, to let a woman give to you, is the pathway to expanding your heart and discovering a kind of love that isn’t built on fear or performance.
The Fear of Surrender
So many men have wired their experience of pleasure and climax through being in dominance and control. Pleasure becomes linked with power.
In the throes of passion, as your partner receives in a more passive state, you take pleasure from her submission — and in doing so, you reinforce your own need to lead, to conquer, to hold the upper hand.
But what if you allowed a woman to show you another way?
What if pleasure could come through surrender, through being held, through receiving her touch without needing to perform or dominate?
This is not weakness. It’s the purest form of courage. It’s the moment your armour softens and your heart starts to feel again.
A New Kind of Strength
Allowing a woman to give to you invites your submissive nature to emerge. It lets her explore her own giving and sexually dominant essence.
Even if it feels uncomfortable — could you let yourself try?
Could you loosen your grip on control, even for a moment and see what’s underneath it?
You may discover a new depth of intimacy: one where both partners exchange energy, power and vulnerability in sacred balance.
This is where love transforms. This is where you begin to feel safe in your softness, held in your surrender and free to express your truth, your pain, your longing — and finally, your heart.
The Gift of True Generosity
Acts of genuine generosity have profound impact in intimacy.
Consciously relinquishing the need to always dominate can be a powerful act of love — one that your woman will feel in her body and soul. When she witnesses your willingness to let go, to trust her, to open yourself — her heart melts.
That moment of surrender doesn’t diminish you.
It elevates you.
It creates space for a richer, more adventurous, more deeply connected love — one where both masculine and feminine can truly meet, beyond fear, beyond roles, beyond control.
An Invitation
If these words stir something within you, let that be your starting point.
Notice where you resist, where you tighten, where the idea of surrender makes you want to pull back.
Then — breathe.
Ask yourself, what might love look like if I stopped trying to lead it?
With love,
Charlotte
