Holding Sacred Sacred Space: When Boundaries Meet Projection
In sacred work, we navigate a delicate paradox: we create spaces of deep vulnerability and connection, yet we must maintain clear professional boundaries. Recently, an experience reminded me just how crucial—and challenging—this balance can be.
Several months ago, a client from one of my group tantra events sought private sessions with me. The event itself was a gentle exploration of connection, presence and the loving essence of tantra. It was non-sexual, yet deeply moving for those who attended, including this individual.
However, as we progressed into one-on-one work, it became clear that this client had misunderstood the nature of our sessions. By our second meeting, he had misinterpreted my teachings on love and connection, projecting romantic intentions onto me. His questions shifted from professional to personal, seeking to determine how he might "fit" into my life beyond our work together.
When I gently but firmly reiterated my professional boundaries, he continued testing them. He invited me to a "temple night"—a conscious sexuality event completely unrelated to our sessions. This was a moment of clarity: his projections had overtaken his willingness to engage genuinely with the practice, and I chose to pause our work.
The Challenge of Maintaining Boundaries in Sacred Work
As practitioners, we hold sacred spaces where vulnerability and connection bloom. But there is a fine line between connection and entitlement, between openness and projection. Despite my efforts to compassionately communicate my boundaries, this individual began reframing my teachings on love and non-judgement, suggesting that maintaining boundaries was somehow contrary to the tantric path—a form of "abandonment."
It was a stark reminder: love without boundaries is not love—it is chaos. Tantra celebrates openness, but it also teaches us the vital role of clear limits. Boundaries are an act of love—for oneself and others—ensuring the integrity of the practice remains intact.
Lessons Learned: Staying Rooted in Integrity
This experience, whilst uncomfortable, became a profound teacher. It reinforced principles I knew intellectually but needed to embody more deeply:
1. Set the Stage with Clarity Before beginning any session, be crystal clear about the scope of your work. Demystify misconceptions about tantra to help clients approach the practice with respect and understanding. Explain what the practitioner-client relationship is—and isn't.
2. Honour Your Intuition When something feels off, trust your intuition. Boundaries must be enforced swiftly and with compassion to maintain the sanctity of the space you hold. Discomfort is information.
3. Recognise Manipulation Some clients may, consciously or unconsciously, use your teachings to challenge your boundaries. They might invoke concepts of unconditional love, non-judgement or spiritual openness to argue against your limits. Stand firm in your truth—this is not genuine engagement with the practice.
4. Know What Healthy Connection Looks Like Appropriate practitioner-client connection includes: respect, curiosity, genuine engagement with the teachings, appropriate vulnerability within session context, and honouring of professional boundaries. It does not include: romantic projection, seeking to be "special" to the practitioner, testing limits or attempts to extend the relationship beyond its professional container.
5. Prioritise Your Safety If any interaction leaves you feeling unsafe—mentally, emotionally or physically—it's a sign to reassess the relationship immediately. Your safety is non-negotiable, and protecting it protects the integrity of your work.
6. Lean on Community You're not alone in these challenges. Sharing experiences with fellow practitioners strengthens our collective ability to navigate difficult dynamics whilst preserving the heart of this sacred work. Supervision, peer support and mentorship are invaluable.
A Message for Clients: Respecting the Sacred Container
To those exploring tantra: this practice invites you on a journey inward, toward discovering love, presence and connection within yourself. The relationship with your practitioner is a sacred vessel for this discovery—not a place to seek fulfilment of unmet desires or romantic connection.
Your practitioner holds space for your transformation with skill, presence and care. This requires clear boundaries to keep the space safe and effective. When projection arises—and it often does in deep work—it's an opportunity to explore what's emerging within you, not to pursue your practitioner personally.
Respecting your guide's professional boundaries isn't a rejection of you; it's a protection of the transformative space that serves your deepest growth. The love offered in tantric work is vast and unconditional in its acceptance of your humanity—and it lives within clear, boundaried form.
Closing Reflections
This experience, though confronting, deepened my understanding of the balance required in sacred work. Tantra, like life, is a dance of love and limits. By honouring our boundaries, we create a container where true healing and connection can flourish—not just for clients, but for ourselves as practitioners.
The openness we cultivate in this work is not naivety. It's discernment. It's the wisdom to know when to open and when to close, when to soften and when to stand firm. This is the mature practice—holding both the tenderness of the heart and the clarity of boundaries.
If you've faced similar challenges in your practice, know you're not alone. Let us continue to hold space for one another, weaving strength and love into this sacred tapestry. And if you're exploring this work as a client, may you honour both your journey inward and the guides who hold space for your unfolding.
